Saturday, June 1, 2013

No! More! Fake! Cookies! Everrrrr!!!!

Ah, cookie baking time.  A time-honored mommy-daughter activity.  Which we engaged in today.  Because we are that kind of family.  And because I’m tired of Iris asking for cookies when I don’t have any.  And because the days after school lets out for summer are long, man.  Loooong.

Anyway, at about three o’clock today, when I had almost reached the saturation point on my tolerance for whining and I was exactly one minute away from becoming this:

No! Wire! Hangers! Everrrrrr!!!!!

I got the brilliant idea of making cookies with Iris. 

I mean, what kid doesn’t love making cookies with her mother?  And then eating them still warm from the oven?  It sounded idyllic.  It sounded ideal.  It sounded like an activity that would kill a few hours of this interminable afternoon.

I pulled out a recipe for the oatmeal-zucchini cookies I made for Iris last summer.  The cookies that she’d have gorged herself on had she been given the opportunity.  Oh, don’t look at me that way, they’re actually quite good.  Both my husband and I love them.  And, last summer, Iris really did think they were the yummiest treat ever. 

So, we measured and poured and mixed and tasted the batter and pronounced it good.  Then, as directed, we dropped spoonfuls of batter on parchment-paper-lined cookie sheets.  We put them in the oven and got them out and they looked like this:
Yummy, golden-brown, oatmeal cookies!!

 However, when I offered one to Iris, she looked at it like I’d pulled it out of the toilet.
Iris: I don’t want those! 
Me: Why not?
Iris: Those are not cookies! 
Me: Yes they are! 
Iris: No. I want REAL cookies!!!!”

Nothing I said or did would convince her that these were real cookies.  Not eating them in front of her.  Not having her father eat them in front of her.  Not talking about how we’d just made them together and put them in the oven together and taken them out together and how could they possibly not be cookies?  I could not even wedge a crumb between her pouty lips. 
Iris: I only want REAL COOKIES!!
Me: Sweetie, those ARE real cookies.  You helped me make them.  Don't you remember?
Iris: (tearfully) I just want you to make me some (sniffle) real (sniffle) cookies.
So, yeah, I just spent the better part of this afternoon making five dozen cookies that I cannot convince my daughter to eat. 
Anyone want them? 



  1. Thanks for the offer, but I only feel like *real* cookies. ;-)

    You are quite brave to bake with a 3 year old. I put that up with glitter artwork at that age.

    BTW, you could wrap the cookies up in smaller batches and freeze them. Supposedly cookies freeze and thaw just fine.

    1. I know I could freeze them, but I doubt any amount of time will change Iris's opinion of them. Sadly.

    2. "oatmeal-zucchini cookies "

      I don't know about that one. Maybe if they were chocolate chip she would have been more enthused.

    3. I'm aware. "Real cookies" translates to either chocolate chip cookies or Oreos.

  2. Try this to see how it works. Put Iris down for a nap. When she wakes up tell her you made some "real" cookies. Go to the oven, which is not on of course, and pull out a cookie sheet full of oreo cookies. Everyone knows oreos are "real" cookies since they contain nothing but sugar. Tell her the elves baked them while she was sleeping because they love her so much. Your "other" mother.

    1. This would be a great plan, except for one thing. The nap. Because...well...nap????!??!???? Bwahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahaha!!!!! What nap???