On Thursday, I went to the dentist. Which, when you’re the mother of a preschooler, involves a level of planning normally reserved for state dinners or summit meetings. In other words, I had to find a babysitter that was available during the daytime hours on a school day. Which I did. Because I am amazing.
And then I went to the dentist, where I had to admit that I hadn’t seen a dentist in almost three years. What? Don’t look at me that way. I moved to a new city and I had a baby. Things happened. Priorities were set. None of them were my teeth. I know, I know.
Anyway, when all was said and done, the dentist told me I had a cavity. A tiny one.
I dislike being told I’m not perfect. Yes, I know I’m not perfect. I just don’t like being reminded of that fact. So, this news simultaneously pissed me off and made me sad.
And then I called my husband. My sweet, sweet husband who proceeded to gloat because he hadn’t had any cavities when he went to the dentist. Oh, he tried not to gloat, but I could hear the smile on his face when he was talking to me. Which pissed me off more and made me sadder.
When I got home, I paid the babysitter, and she left. The end.
You’re not buying it, are you?
Seriously, not at ALL???
Oh all RIGHT!! Yes, there's more. FINE. Here it is, Nosy McSnooperson:
Later, when my husband came home from work, he noticed that the little, sample bottle of mouthwash that the dentist had given me was sitting on the kitchen counter and had already been partly used.
Quinten: You already used some of the mouthwash?Me: Yes.
Quinten: You don’t like using mouthwash.
Me: No. I don’t.
Quinten: I’m confused.
Me: (taking a deep breath and then talking as fast and as run-on as I can because I am embarrassed by what I am about to say) Okay, so I was sad that I had a cavity and so, on the way home from the dentist, I drove through Arby’s and got onion rings. But then, as I was eating them, I realized I was going to get home and the babysitter would smell onion rings on my breath and onion rings don’t seem like the kind of thing that you should be eating right after getting your teeth cleaned, especially when you've been told you have a cavity, so I used some mouthwash and then spit it out through the car window when I was at stoplight.
Me: (indignant) You’re laughing at me!
Quinten: (still laughing) I love you so much.
Me: Shut up!