Wednesday, February 13, 2013

I Fail Valentine's

Stop it.  Just stop it. 

You know who you are.

You’re the mom who’s making me look like a slacker this Valentine’s Day.

Yes, you.

You and your Pinterest board. 

You and your Pinterest board and your efficiency.

You and your Pinterest board and your efficiency and ability to craft.

See, I thought I was doing so well this year.

I saw that Valentine’s Day was coming up.  I knew that Iris’s class would have a Valentine’s Day party.  I was aware, after last year, that people didn’t just bring cards for their kiddos to give the other kiddos in the class, they would bring cute little personalized gift bags filled with super-neato treats…candy, handmade cards, party favors, little toys.  All wrapped up with ribbons and with cutesy sayings on the card.

You know what I brought to Iris’s class last Valentine’s Day?  Cards.  Not handmade cards.  The store-bought variety that come in twelve-packs and have cartoon characters on them.  You know, the ones that are really little more than colored slips of paper?  Yeah, those. 

And that’s when I realized that I was the Slacker Mom.

Everyone else was on the ball with the good, Pinterest-y stuff.

So, this year I decided to get my shit together.

This year, I didn’t wait until the night before the party.  No, this year, it was a week before the party when I went out and got some blank valentine’s cards and had Iris help me decorate them with glittery colored heart stickers and handwrote a Happy Valentine’s Day message from Iris inside (okay, so every card says “Happy Valentine’s Day from Iris,” but I wrote each one myself!!!!).   This year I got packages of stickers and those Conversation Heart candies to put in a bag.  So, into the bag go the candies, stickers, and the semi-homemade card.  And I thought “Finally, I am not the Slacker Mom!  Finally, I have this Valentine’s thing licked!  I am ON IT this year!”

You know what Iris brought home from her Valentine’s Day party? 

Handmade (not store-bought) cards with creative sayings like “I’m So Glad You’re In My School!” with a picture of a school of fish (get it?) drawn on it.  With healthy snacks like goldfish crackers attached.  A bag filled with little toys and healthy fruit snacks tied with real, cloth ribbon and a personalized picture attached to it.  Stuff like that.

And they were CUTE.  And CRAFTY.  And AWESOME. 

And they made me look bad.

And, yes, I put my stuff in bags.  Ziploc bags.

Because I, apparently, really am the Slacker Mom.

That’s right.

I’m the Slacker Mom who brought Ziploc-bagged Valentine’s gifts and provided paper plates for the party.

Next year, I’m just going to own it.

I am the Slacker Mom.  Yes, I am.  I hate Pinterest.  I am not crafty.  I suck at being cutesy.

And if I am never going to be as awesome and crafty as those other moms?  I will just have to up my slacking game to gold-medal level.

Next year, I might forget Valentine’s Day altogether.


  1. My attitude is "fuck it". I have no one to buy shit for anyways, but you have your hubby to get you stuff, at least.

  2. Having made it through those years and into the teen ones, I suggest owning one thing and doing the basics for the others. For example, my thing (you may remember from LJ) is pink heart-shaped cookies. Big ones. When the kids were little, we piped names on all the cookies. Josie's 23 now, and she and her friends still ask if there will be Valentines cookies.

    Own one thing. Don't sweat the others. Your daughter will enjoy it more (so will you) and roll her eyes less when she's older if you don't try to be Princess Pintrest for everything.