Saturday, January 26, 2013

By Way of Introduction....

My name is Betsy.  I am a failed spinster.  I think, when you reach the age of 32 and you’re married to your work and you don’t even have a boyfriend and you figure you’re going live alone for the rest of your life with just your dogs for company, you can call yourself a spinster.  When you then meet the man of your dreams and marry him (three years later, when you're 35), you have to call that a failure of spinsterhood.  Although, I can’t say I mind being a failure in this particular category.

I am also a recovering attorney.  For a decade, I was a criminal defense attorney working as a public defender.  I was very good at it.  Apparently, I have a talent for trial work.  I actually liked it while I did it.  I loved collecting stories about my work.  I loved telling stories about my work (disclaimer: nothing that violated attorney-client privilege, though).  Then I got married, quit my job, moved to a whole new state, and realized that I didn’t miss practicing law.  The only things I truly miss about the work are the stories and feeling like I am competent.

And, speaking of competence (or lack thereof): I am also the mother of a toddler.  More correctly, I am the stay-at-home-mother of a toddler.  I hate it when people say that “being a mom is the hardest job” in the world.  I’m pretty sure that shoveling poop out of the sewers is a harder job.  Probably so is being the President of the United States (or any other country).  But, I can say unequivocally, that being the mother of a toddler is a more difficult job than being a criminal defense attorney.  That is because, in the great competition over who is more unreasonable, toddlers or criminal defendants, the toddlers are winning.  Also, when you are a criminal defense attorney, you have whole days and weeks and even months when you feel like you are competent at your job.  When you are a stay-at-home mother?  You might feel competent for 30 full seconds every other week.  If you are lucky. 

No one tells you this before you have kids.

They should.
Instead, there are a lot of moms out there blogging and pinning things on Pinterest and tweeting about how amazing their kids are and how fulfilled they feel and making me feel like a failure because, while their kids are having a magical, fun-filled, Pinterest-y childhood, I’m lucky if I get a shower. 

Having kids is hard, people.  Sure I love my daughter more than I ever thought possible, and mothering her is rewarding and there are sublime moments and blah blah blah. But, a lot of days, I can’t get dinner cooked or the laundry done because my child is literally climbing on me like I am a human jungle gym and there are so many toys strewn around the floor that I’ve given up on my family room looking like anything other than Romper Room and if I have to watch Yo Gabba Gabba or Dora the Explorer or freakin’ Mickey Mouse Clubhouse one more time I’m going to lose my ever-loving mind.  Never mind cleaning the bathroom or vacuuming or, holy CRAP is it time to plan the child’s BIRTHDAY PARTY already???!??!??!??!

When am I supposed to have time to make actual CRAFTS?

*standing up*

My name is Betsy.  I am forty years old.  I am a failed spinster.  I am a recovering attorney.  I am the mother of a toddler.  I fail at Pinterest.  My life is messy.  It’s okay.


  1. I'm happy you're blogging. You should be.

  2. I am happy you're blogging too- you are so talented! AND I am so totally with you on the parenting thing - you are speaking for in voice too. :) Maybe it's going from professional to parent? And YES the whole poop thing brought me to my knees.

    1. Thanks. I'm flattered. Of course, you know I credit you with getting me through the first few weeks of parenting...especially with my breastfeeding issues. Those phone calls helped me immensely.